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Post by stiles on Dec 31, 2023 0:24:04 GMT -5
Stiles had thought there was no way he could ever feel more exhausted than he did after the morning Ava was born. The panic attack level of anxiety he had thrived on for her entire labor coupled with the maybe two hours of sleep he had gotten the night before had surely left him more drained than anything else ever could.
And then, Ava hits a growth spurt, and he learns a new kind of exhaustion.
He yawns as he stops at a red light, stealing a glance over at Malia. Somewhere between their stop for coffee and the end of the same block, she’s managed to fall asleep. But he doesn’t blame her. If he feels like this, he can’t even imagine how she feels after an entire night of cluster feeding. He had read the term on the internet weeks ago, but witnessing it was another thing entirely. The second Malia pulled the baby away from her nipple, Ava had screamed like they were hurting her. At most, she had lasted ten minutes between feedings all. Night. Long. And the few times Stiles had tried to fool her with a bottle, the baby had only screamed louder. So Malia had been up all night, dozing off with the baby at her breast and snapping herself awake repeatedly. And because Ava had cried and Malia had cried (and honestly, Stiles might’ve cried, too), Stiles had been up with them all night.
And now, he’s exhausted.
The car behind him honks when his dazed gaze misses the light turn green. Stiles curses as his eyes dart over to Malia, but she’s still fast asleep. His jaw forms a hard line as he wonders again if maybe he should turn back around and just head home. She would probably be crushed when she woke up back in their driveway, but at least she could sleep right now while Ava wasn’t glued to her boob. But… she would be crushed. It had surprised him when she had responded so enthusiastically when his dad had suggested they start talking about wedding plans over dinner this week. And maybe her excitement is mostly for his benefit, but it’s been contagious. As tired as he is, he wants to do this tonight, too. So he doesn’t turn the Jeep around.
Instead, he pulls up in front of his dad’s and turns the car off before he reaches over to gently wake Malia. He brushes her hair away from her face, letting his fingers linger on her cheek until her eyes finally flutter open. She squints in the harsh sunlight as she sits up in her seat, stretching her arms over her head. ‘We’re here,” he tells her as if they both don’t have this street memorized. “You sure you want to do this?”
She assures him that she does, that she wants to start planning their wedding, and she only yawns once around her words. When she leans in to seal her words with a kiss, it’s impossible for Stiles to fight her. He grabs his coffee before coming around the car to get Ava in her carseat. The baby, at least for now, is still content and sleeping soundly as they head into the house. “I packed bottles,” he says as Malia swings the diaper bag onto her back and matches his pace up the driveway, “to give your nipples a break. What are the odds that she just sleeps this whole time?”
Malia scoffs at that, but she doesn’t argue. Even if she wanted to, he opens the front door then, and they’re greeted by the sound of voices. A lot of voices. Melissa moved in over a year ago, so it’s not uncommon for Scott to be here, but Stiles somehow missed his car parked out front. But it’s his voice that Stiles registers accompanied by a female voice that he knows but he can’t quite place. As they move through the foyer towards the living space, that same voice says Matthews really said that? To you? and it’s like it’s on the tip of his tongue. He’s heard that voice a lot. Knows it well. Well enough for it to make his chest feel a little tight at the sound. But he still doesn’t place it. Not until they round the corner and Nat White is sitting there, on the plaid couch Stiles has grown up around. And it’s impossible for him to contain his surprise as he looks around at the other three faces in the room. “What is Malia’s midwife doing here?”
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Post by malia on Dec 31, 2023 21:27:59 GMT -5
Malia loves Ava. She loves her baby more than she could ever have imaged loving her. So much so that she can’t really even imagine a life without her now.
But she has never been so exhausted in her life. Ever.
Even during those last few weeks of pregnancy when she was almost constantly miserable, unable to find one comfortable position, she doesn’t think she was as tired as she is now. All night long with Ava at her breast, having to switch positions just so she didn’t get a cramp from sitting or laying the same way too long. Sore nipples, dozing off only to be woken up a few minutes later, spacing out to a TV show that she thinks is from 1960 while she stares into the darkness. She knows Stiles is exhausted and frustrated too, but he doesn’t show it. He tries to help when he can, but Ava is absolutely not willing to settle for anything other than her breasts. So they make do. He gets her water, make sure she has some snacks, and he holds the baby any time they have a few minutes of a break so she can stretch or go to the bathroom.
And just like they always do, they make it. Ava is tired too come morning, but she’s content and by the time they’re ready to leave for his dad’s house, she’s fallen asleep in her car seat. And without even thinking about, actually…while actively TRYING to think about not doing it…Malia falls asleep in the front seat, her head falling over so her forehead can hit the window on the passenger side. Even with the smell of the fresh coffee sitting right beside her and classic rock playing on the radio station and the fact that the drive is literally no more than 10 minutes.
It’s his touch that wakes her, and she yawns before she even opens her eyes. The sun is bright and the small, older house is a comforting and familiar site. She looks over at Stiles, offering him a tired smile. “Of course I want to,” she tells him when he questions her for what must be the 20th time since they’d gotten up that morning. “I just want to get to be married to you. And see your dad and Melissa of course,” She offers sheepishly, almost as if she’d forgotten that this was the main reason they were going in the first place.
The gather the baby and their things from the car a little more slowly than they normally would, and as much as she appreciates the fact that he brought bottles, they both know that she won’t take them if she gets into the same kind of mood she was in the night before. She just hopes they can make it through dinner if she does. But she’s not optimistic enough to think that the baby will sleep through the evening like Stiles suggests. In fact, as they walk into the house to the sound of voices and unexpected senses, Malia’s sure that’s not going to happen.
She’s immediately on edge. It’s not an unfamiliar scent, but it’s not Scott…though he’s there too. It’s somebody else she knows, another wolf. And then she hears her voice. Nat….her midwife, her doctor, the woman who had helped her through her pregnancy and Ava’s birth. What was she doing here? She hears Stiles words and then she sees Nat sitting there with Scott, a familiar smile on her face. She feels like perhaps she’s about to be ambushed. Nat isn’t their friend, not really, and she’s not Pack, and she’s definitely not part of their family. Before she even realizes what she’s doing, she’s turned and begun to walk back toward the front door.
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Post by stiles on Dec 31, 2023 21:49:55 GMT -5
Stiles blinks a handful of times, sure that he’s so tired, he’s now hallucinating. But no, Nat is still sitting there in the middle of the living room of his childhood home, looking more uncomfortable by the second. Some part of his brain registers the way Noah turns his head in surprise and says, “You were Malia’s midwife?” And another part registers that this interaction is too friendly for them to have met for the first time tonight. But a much bigger part of his brain is aware of the fact that Malia is no longer by his side. In fact, when he turns his head, she’s headed back towards the door, looking a little ashen.
“Hey,” he says, catching her wrist and pulling her gently back towards his side. Her eyes are wide as she stares back at him. He feels like he can see the wheels turning in her head as she tugs gently against his hand. There was only one place where they ever saw Nat, and it always left Malia at her most vulnerable. It tugs on his heart, to see the fear staring back at him and know that she thinks this, too, will leave her that same level of vulnerable. “She’s not going to examine you on the kitchen table,” he reassures her, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. Then, for good measure, he turns his gaze towards Nat. “Right?”
But Nat doesn’t respond. Instead, she just looks more uncomfortable there on the couch. For all of her bravado every time she had gone toe to toe at Malia’s appointments, ready to put him in his place as a human, now, she shrinks back against the couch cushions. And, like Stiles had a habit of stepping in for Malia, it’s Scott who talks for her now. “No, he says as he jumps to his feet. “She’s not… I actually… We…”
Scott’s eyes dart towards Nat, but she’s still frozen there, staring back at Stiles. But even if she can’t fill in the blank, Stiles can put the pieces together. Scott can’t find the word to describe what they are, but they’re sitting side-by-side on the couch. In Noah and Melissa’s living room. And it’s not the first time this has happened. “Oh,” Stiles says.
Malia asks what’s going on by his side, her wrist still in his grasp. And Stiles doesn’t pull his eyes away from Nat as he says, “Scott’s sleeping with your midwife.”
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Post by malia on Dec 31, 2023 23:05:52 GMT -5
She feels his hands grasp her wrist, squeezing hard enough to stop her in her place. The strap of the backpack that they use as a diaper bag slides down her shoulder, but she turns back around as he speaks. She wants to roll her eyes at his words, but she has to admit that the reason she’d turned to run was because that very fear had crossed her mind. Why the hell else would Nat be there?
But then she catches the scent. How did she miss it before. There’s Scott’s scent, her Alpha. She knows him by heart. And there’s Nat’s scent, also a wolf, but a stranger…a beta. But they’re different. She can smell the attraction as they look at each other and Scott fumbles slightly over his words.
“What’s going on?” She asks him as she moves back closer to his side. She thinks she knows, but she gets things wrong so many times. Human signals, pack signals, wolf signals. She’s not truly a part of either world, she just kind of exists in the middle, so she never really trusts herself to fully understand without his help.
Noah chides Stiles for his words, but she can tell by the look on his face that Stiles is right. Nat and Scott were fucking. She furrows her brow, scenting the room again, this time much more visibly. She’s protective of Scott, not the same way she is with Stiles. It’s more like, a brother. A brother who’s quite capable of taking care of himself, usually. But he’s also very stupid about mating.
So she looks back and forth between them again, not sure how she feels about this situation. She likes Nat, sure. She trusts her, she’d delivered their baby, and she’d always understood Malia in a way that not many people did. She steps a little closer to her Alpha, looking him up and down.
“Is she your mate?”
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Post by stiles on Dec 31, 2023 23:22:22 GMT -5
Noah says his name - his full name - and Stiles raises his hands in a show of innocence. “What? I’m not going to define whatever this is for them,” he says. But Nat looks indignant now, the way she had at almost every appointment when she was sure Stiles was with Malia for all of the wrong reasons. Her cheeks are a bright red, matching Scott’s. And that’s before Malia pulls her arm away from Stiles’s, obviously scenting the two of them. Normally, he’d snatch her wrist back, pulling her to her side as he reminded her of what was considered normal for a human woman and what wasn’t. But his dad’s has always been a place she could just be herself, even back when they were teenagers. And everyone in the room knows and accepts her for exactly who she is. So he doesn’t try to stop her as she steps closer to Scott, asking her question.
Stiles snorts before he can stop himself, and Scott’s cheeks turn a darker shade of crimson. “We’re dating,” he clarifies. As he says it, he steps closer to Nat, lacing his fingers through hers, and Stiles is struck by the intimacy of the gesture. He’s watched Scott date a lot of people over the years, his own fiance included, and the only other time he’s seen this easy display of affection was Allison. “And she has a name,” Scott adds, his gaze aimed at Stiles.
“I’m sorry, Nat,” he says sincerely, his eyes darting only briefly to his dad. “We didn’t sleep last night. And we didn’t expect to see you at my dad’s.”
“And we should’ve… I don’t know,” Nat says. And Stiles gets it. It probably felt just as weird for her to be there with them as it did for them to walk in and find Malia’s midwife there.
Melissa, ever the peacekeeper, is quick to interject then, saying that she just wanted to see the baby.”You should take advantage of it now,” he says, his eyes following her as she moved over to the carseat, beginning to undo the buckles holding the baby inside. “She’s been glued to Malia for the last 24 hours.” The baby stirs a little as Melissa pulls her free, but at least for the moment, she doesn’t wake. And at the mention of his own fiance, Stiles’s gaze falls on her where she’s settled back beside him again. He wraps an arm around her waist, tugging her closer as he quietly asks, “You okay?”
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Post by malia on Jan 1, 2024 0:21:38 GMT -5
They were dating. She thinks about that answer, looking between them again before nodding. Dating seemed kind of like nonsense to her. When you found your mate, you found your mate. But she gets it too. Before Stiles was ever comfortable with her using that word, they had been “dating” too. She had been his girlfriend and he was her boyfriend, and those were the words that humans used to define things. This is something she’s learned over the course of the years she’s been back. Even if she still thinks the entire concept is kind of a lot of bullshit.
She also senses the sense of scolding from her Alpha, not toward her necessarily, but toward them. Stiles speaks and she lets his words talk for her too. She wasn’t sure what she would be apologizing for, but he seems to know so she just goes with it. She doesn’t say another word about it, though she does keep a close gaze on Nat as Melissa reaches for the baby.
There are very few people in the world that could just reach down and pick up their baby that she would be okay with. Melissa is one of them. So, the act elicits no growl of protest. Melissa easily takes the baby into her arms, speaking sweet nothings to her as she sleeps, kissing her head, and Malia feels a bit of relief that Ava just seems to sleep through it all. Which means that she won’t be crying to nurse. If anyone could keep her asleep, it would be Melissa.
It’s comforting when Stiles wraps his arm around her again and she finally drops the bag she’d been carrying, the thoughts of turning around and leaving now gone from her mind. She nods, looking back and forth between them again. “Yeah,” she says, looking back at him. “It’s weird. Is it weird?”
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Post by stiles on Jan 1, 2024 0:51:04 GMT -5
He rubs her arm as she continues to watch Nat and Scott. Nat’s on her feet now too, and their heads are bent together as they talk in hushed voices. And… yeah, it’s weird. It’s weird to see Scott seem so close to someone again. The last serious girlfriend Scott had was some time during his undergrad, before med school. Since then, he had dated, but never for long. And never serious enough to invite her to Sunday dinner. Then again, the first time Stiles had brought Malia, she had already been seven weeks pregnant. So maybe he wasn’t the best authority on how serious any relationship was.
“Scott did recommend Nat,” Stiles says as he continues to watch the two of them. “And they kind of work together. I mean, she’s your doctor and he’s Ava’s. They probably do that a lot, right?” Scott pulls away from Nat then. Her face is still flushed, but not quite as vibrant a shade of scarlet. Still, she doesn’t seem nearly as confident as the Nat he knows.
He wants to keep studying them, trying to piece together how this happened while Stiles had had no clue, but it’s starting to feel a little intrusive. So he forces himself to look away, finding Malia still watching him. “Is it weird for you because half the people here have seen your vagina?” he asks her, cocking an eyebrow.
Noah and Melissa are too enthralled with Ava to hear his off-color comment this time, but Scott and Nat have come close enough to hear it. Nat, at least, chokes on a nervous laugh. Scott, meanwhile, turns bright red again. “It’s only weird if you make it weird,” Scott says. His hand is still on Nat’s lower back, Stiles notes. Like he can’t keep his hands to himself. Like… he might really be into Nat. His hand doesn’t move even as he gives a shrug. “Maybe it would be weird if you were having another baby now.”
Stiles is the one who chokes then. The night before is still fresh in his mind, his brain tired enough to still wonder if maybe he’s imagining this entire thing. In fact, as much as he wants to expand their family someday, today has left him wondering if he ever wants to do this part again. “Well, that’s not gonna happen for a long, long time,” Stiles scoffs.
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Post by malia on Jan 1, 2024 12:40:23 GMT -5
She shrugs at his question. Honestly, she didn’t really care who had seen her naked or who hadn’t. In fact, she would never have given it a thought if he hadn’t brought it up. When she looks over at him, his eyebrow arched in that cocky way, she can tell that he was joking, but she’s already moved on from that moment. Finally Scott breaks the silence, pretty much assuring them that they’re the ones making it weird.
They were kind of good at that. Each in their own unique ways.
But then, he says something that makes her stomach drop. Maybe it would be weird if you were having another baby now…
Why would he say that? And now her mind is wandering. She had been so tired. And just the weekend before she had been sick on her birthday trip, for no apparent reason. Just sick, and then completely fine. She had been crampy and irritable and emotional. All things that, now that she really thinks about it, had been silent indicators about Ava. Stiles scoffs at the comment, huffing beside her like it’s the most hilarious thing he’s ever heard, but she can feel her hands getting clammy, her mind swimming with moments and instances that might mean…could she be? No…but there had been times when they hadn’t used protection. Ava was still nursing, but she could still get pregnant and they hadn’t been the most careful.
Ava was still nursing!
Oh God, what if she was pregnant? She feels sick, and she quickly pulls away from Stiles, her knees weak, as she rushes down the hallway to the small guest bathroom that she’s used so many times in the past.
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Post by stiles on Jan 1, 2024 14:52:00 GMT -5
“Really? I thought you wanted more,” Scott says.
“Yeah, someday. When Ava isn’t up all night demanding to be nursed,” Stiles says. His eyes dart across the room to check to make sure the baby is still sleeping as he says it. And somewhere in that subtle chaos, as Scott is responding and Stiles is trying to catch a glimpse of the baby in Melissa’s arms, Malia roughly pushes his arm away. “Wha-” he manages to get out before he’s only staring at her back as she rushes down the hall.
He curses under his breath as he rubs his hand over his face. It’s always these moments that are the hardest. She’s better about being vulnerable in front of him and letting him know what she’s feeling, but she still doesn’t like an audience. And sometimes, she just needs space. But it’s hard to know when she needs space and when she needs… well, him.
Scott and Nat wear matching expressions of concern when he turns back to them, which push him a little closer to the side of needing him. Still, he fights the urge to go after her in hopes that she just needs a minute to get over the shock of Nat being there. “Things like this are hard for her,” he says to them, glancing back in the direction she had gone like he might be able to check on her as easily as he can the baby across the room. “She wasn’t expecting you to be here, and she still struggles with people. She’ll be fine. She just needs a minute.” At least, he hopes that’s the truth. Malia trusts Nat enough to entrust her with their baby’s safety. She had even let the midwife hold Ava when they went back for her six week appointment. So surely, she could get used to the idea of Nat becoming a fixture in their family… right?
He’s just about to excuse himself to go check on her when Nat says his name. He turns back to find her glancing over at Ava. “Do you mind if I….?” Her voice trails off as she looks at the baby again, a wistful smile on her face. Stiles’s eyes immediately dart to Scott’s, eyebrows raised, because is his best friend really ready for all of this? “I don’t usually get to see the babies afterwards,” Nat adds, as if she needs an excuse other than the fact that Ava is surely the cutest baby to have ever existed.
“Knock yourself out,” Stiles says with a nod towards the baby. “Especially before she remembers she’s only happy if she’s attached to Malia. I’m just going to go…”
He gestures with his thumb over his shoulder, but Nat is already headed towards the baby, and Scott barely nods, too focused on Nat as she goes to the baby. Stiles follows the same path Malia did, not surprised to find the bathroom door closed. There’s a fair chance that it’s unlocked, but he still knocks gently. “Mal? It’s me,” he says softly through the door. “You okay?”
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Post by malia on Jan 1, 2024 16:22:24 GMT -5
She thinks she might be on the verge of a panic attack, so she doesn’t really think about how it might look to everybody else that she just darted from the room without a word. In fact, she’s shocked that she actually makes it to the bathroom before she loses her breath completely. The voices she leaves behind in the other room turn into murmurs, all jumbled together, as thoughts swim around in her mind like a hurricane.
What would they do? They’re exhausted now and they only have Ava. She’s still so tiny, just a few months old. She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t do it yet. She couldn’t do it and make sure that Ava was still getting everything she needed. And when would she and Stiles ever even get a chance to breathe, or spend time together? And he worked, full time. Which meant she’d be cooped up in a house all day long with two babies, by herself.
She leans back against the door, letting her head hit it hard. She closes her eyes, attempting to catch her breath.
“Breathe Malia, breathe….”
Surely there was another way to explain all of the stuff she’d been experiencing. But what if Scott had some kind of sixth sense about this kind of stuff when it came to the pack? What if he’d been suspicious of it all along and that’s why Nat was there in the first place.
What would Stiles say? She bites her bottom lip, her heart racing. He would lose it.
At just that thought, she hears his voice, and the soft knock on the other side of the door. Her heart races as she turns, slowly opening the knob and peaking it out him. Without saying a word, she reaches for his wrist, pulling him inside the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.
“What if Scotts right Stiles? What if I’m pregnant again?” It sounds more like a panicked plea than she means for it too, but she’s freaking out too much to care.
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Post by stiles on Jan 1, 2024 16:43:04 GMT -5
Stiles can’t hear her on the other side of the door, which is a little disconcerting. Part of him had hoped that she had just needed to go to the bathroom that suddenly. (It wouldn’t have been unusual, not since she had carried Ava.) But there’s no sound of her at all. He knocks again, just a little harder this time. “Mal?” he tries again.
He’s just about to start cajoling her through the door, reassuring her that Nat is only there as Scott’s significant other, and that maybe she should try to adapt to this sudden change in relationship dynamics because something about their easy body language made him feel like Nat is here to stay. But before he has the chance, the door swings open.
Stiles gets just a glimpse of her pale face before Malia grabs his wrist and yanks him into the room. “What is going on?” he asks as she slams the door closed behind him. And then it’s just the two of them in that cramped space. Her arms are crossed protectively over her chest. Her eyes are wide as she stares up at him, and she worries her bottom lip in a way that makes him want to reach out and run his thumb over it before she can draw blood. But again, before he can react, she asks her question.
What if Scott’s right, Stiles? What if I’m pregnant again?
Her worry is palpable even without chemosignals, but Stiles can’t help it. Immediately, he laughs. “That’s not what he meant, Mal,” he says as he reaches for her, pulling her into his arms. “He doesn’t think you’re pregnant. He just meant it could be weird for you to hang out with Nat if you were seeing her as a patient all the time right now.” He laughs again at the absurdity of the idea. Ava was barely out of the newborn phase. She still nursed almost every two hours - sometimes every twenty minutes - and needed them for everything. The idea of another baby now was more than his brain could even comprehend. Surely, her body wouldn’t even allow that to happen, not when Ava was still so dependent on her. “God, can you imagine?” he says as he leans down to press a kiss to the crown of her head. “What a nightmare.”
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Post by malia on Jan 1, 2024 17:36:45 GMT -5
He laughs. It’s not what she was expecting. She studies his hazel eyes, the slight flush on his cheeks. And then it daws on her. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand what she’s saying. He thinks this is a joke.
For a girl who doesn’t do very well with words, all of the sudden they’re flowing from her mouth like she’s never struggled with conversation a day in her life.
‘I know it’s not what he meant,” She tells him, on the verge of tears. And then he says what she’s thinking, that it would be a nightmare. And that’s all it takes for her tears to start falling. She pulls herself from his arms, resting her hands against his chest to make sure he has to focus on her as she talks.
“Stiles, I’m tired all the time. I’m emotional. I was throwing up the other weekend. I’ve been crampy….” She spells it out for him the best that she can. “And I know we’ve forgotten to use protection a couple of times. What if….what if there’s another baby?!”
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Post by stiles on Jan 1, 2024 18:06:34 GMT -5
It’s laughable until it isn’t.
Stiles wants more children with her, he’s sure of that. And in the glowing aftermath of Ava’s birth, he would probably have said that he’d like to start trying as soon as possible. But parenting, it turns out, is hard. Ava needs them in a way he had known she would but still couldn’t really anticipate. Malia is just now starting to feel comfortable in her own skin again, despite the fact that her body was still very much responsible for keeping their daughter fed. And the internet had led him to believe that some time in the next few months, Ava should occasionally start sleeping through the night, something that now felt like a luxury. Another baby so soon would only complicate that.
And that was once the baby arrived. Malia had had an easy pregnancy, but even knowing that, Stiles couldn’t imagine her navigating being pregnant while also being a mother to their tiny daughter. It really would be a nightmare.
But Malia doesn’t share in his mirth as she pulls away. There are tears brimming in her eyes when she looks back at him, and Stiles feels his stomach drop. And then she’s compiling a list so fast, it makes him lightheaded. Sure, she had been tired, but they had a newborn. He was tired all the time. And he bites his tongue, but to him, it feels like she’s been emotional since she got pregnant with Ava. But it had been weird, the way she was so suddenly sick last weekend. And then once she had thrown up, she was fine. Just like the few times when she had been sick when she was pregnant. And he hadn’t even known that she was crampy.
“Wait. Slow down,” he tells her. His heart is starting to race in a way that’s uncomfortable, and he steps away from her to sink down onto the closed lid of the toilet. Her hands are shaking, and those tears have started to spill down her cheeks when he stares back up at her. “Do you really feel like you’re pregnant? Are you late again?” And then as soon as the question leaves his mouth, his mind is racing. Because their lives are so entwined now, it feels impossible that she would get her period and he wouldn’t know. And he… can’t remember a single time in the near year she’s been under his roof. “When’s the last time you got your period?”
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Post by malia on Jan 1, 2024 20:13:12 GMT -5
She can feel it, smell it, the moment the reality begins to dawn on him. That crooked smile falls away from his lips and she can hear his heart rate slowly begin to get faster, even if he would never want to admit it. He can’t hide things like that from her. Every word that she said ended up with him becoming a little more anxious than he was before. She tries to listen to him, allowing her self to breathe, slowing down…just like he said. His hands are comforting there against her arms and she can feel his gaze on her and she forces herself to meet his eyes as he speaks.
“I don’t know,” She tells him honestly. Things had been so…complicated when she’d found out she was pregnant with Ava. It almost seems like a lifetime ago. She can barely remember what it felt like to be newly pregnant. She remembers sleeping a lot, and some nausea, and she also remembers crying a hell of a lot more than she ever had before in her life. An embarrassing amount. Something that had really changed the way she dealt with her emotions around Stiles. She didn’t hold anything back from him now. Which is why she doesn’t try to hold back her tears as she wipes angrily at her cheeks.
“I haven’t had a period since before Ava,” She tells him honestly. It was true. She couldn’t remember how long Nat had said she would go before she had a regular period again, but she knows she hasn’t had it yet. And maybe that was because there just hasn’t been time for her to have a period. Maybe there was already another baby growing inside of her.
“Ava’s only three months old,” she almost whines, tears falling fresh as she turns to look at herself in the mirror, taking in the mess that she’d become.
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Post by stiles on Jan 1, 2024 20:50:43 GMT -5
He can’t help it. His gaze falls to her waist, staring at her newly flat middle. His hands continue to rub her arms, but he stares at her stomach like he might be able to find visible proof that there is another baby already. And with each passing second, his chest starts to feel tighter. He had been anxious so much of the time when she was pregnant with Ava. Even when Nat kept reassuring them that everything was normal and perfect and textbook, it had felt scary and uncertain to him. Malia had been so tired for those first few months, and then she had been so uncomfortable at the end. For weeks, he had felt like he was walking on eggshells, waiting for something to happen while she just became more frustrated. And then it had felt almost physically painful to watch her go through labor, knowing there was nothing he could do to take her pain or do the work for her.
And now, he realizes that he really only just started to feel like he had recovered… to find themselves back at the starting line?
Her voice shakes as she tells him that she hasn’t had a period since before Ava. Even though he had already known that, hearing her say it aloud makes his stomach turn. He drops one of her hands to rub a hand over his face. “And we didn’t use anything the weekend of the funeral,” he says, vividly remembering the afternoon in the shower and the night he had asked her to marry him. “Fuck.”
It’s like his cursing breaks something inside of her. Her voice rises an octave, laced with panic, and for just a second, it seems to drown out his own. “I know, Mal,” he tells her as he takes her hands again, giving them a squeeze. “I know.”
He wants to cry alongside her. He wants to give in to the panic that’s threatening to become a full blown panic attack. He wants to puke. But he ignores all that as he stands back up, taking her shoulders in his hands and forcing her to turn back to him. “We’re gonna figure this out, okay?” He takes a deep breath, hoping that she’ll mirror him and feeling a little less panicked when she does. But they’re still here with no real answers, locked in the tiny bathroom of his childhood home while their family is in the next room. “What do you want to do?”
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